You have those days where you dont really remember anything, you dont really recall anything significant, you woke up and you could just feel the bad day, you could feel the anxiety, and self hatred dragging out of bed with you. You don’t really want to do anything, you don’t really want to talk to anyone, you dont really to pay attention during class, you don’t really want to have to be existing that day, or any other day for that matter.
With each day, you grow a little more sad, leading up to the day where you’re sitting in your room all alone with that pit in your stomach, and the medicine cabinet in mind. You’re very used to this feeling by now, but tonight just feels different to you. It feels like you’re carrying everyone else’s depression and anxiety on your back. Its getting so heavy by now that you want to just lay down. You want to lay down six feet underground. You’ve been so strong leading up to this point, but tonight you feel like tapping out. You sit in your bed thinking of your hopeless future, relationships, your grades, your friends, and your self image. You think about how all those things are things you’ve failed at. All of those things are the things that matter most to you, but you’ve done so poorly at each and every one.
You know everyone’s asleep in your house now, you know your mom would be the first to find you, you dont want to imagine what your siblings are going to think. You know that no one would find your tremoring over dosed body before you took your last breathes. You know that you would then be free from the demons who rot your insides. You would be free from all the confusion, disorder, and stress that haunted your daily life. You would be free from that feeling of not being good enough as you walked down the halls of your school. You would be free from all of it, everything that ever made you mad or sad. Anything that ever caused you anxiety, anything that ever made you cry.
Your spirit would simply finally be free from all the years of pain.